Charlie Taylor Behaviour Czar

Charlie Taylor is the Government 'Behaviour Czar' (who did he upset to receive such a daft title?) He met with the Education Select Committee yesterday and told them that:

"Some children are too disruptive to fit into regular school life"

Well goodness me, there's a revelation. 

Now you might imagine that his solution would be to send them to Borstal or something along those lines. but no, they must not be blamed or punished for their actions- instead he proposes that 'help and support' are what's needed. God save us.

It wasn't long before he degenerated into complete gibberish with such classics as:

"The trajectory of pupil behaviour is improving"

before describing some pupils' behaviour as 'challenging'. Why is it that nobody in charge can ever grit their teeth and actually say the word 'bad'?

Finally he reassured everyone by claiming that 'no-go areas where teachers fear to tread' are becoming rarer. This would be good news if we were discussing Helmand Province, but not so great when it is our own schools and the only cure suggested amounts to little more than a friendly chat over a nice cup of tea.

To be fair to Charlie he has come up with some sensible suggestions in the last year, such as telling parents not to keep their children off school for trivial reasons and proposing not paying child benefit to parents of kids who truant (I think he pinched both ideas from my book), but he needs to get a grip as far as pupil behaviour is concerned.

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Natural and Organic

'Natural' and 'Organic' are two words which provide a licence to sell all sorts of expensive nonsense to the unwary. Combined with the right packaging, they are a marketer's dream, giving comfort and reassurance whilst discouraging us from subjecting the ingredients list to any scientific investigation.

Cyanide, anthrax, and radioactivity are all natural- that is they are found in Nature. Ebola, swine flu and cancer are all organic- ie related to a living organism.

'Herbal extracts' is a close runner-up in this race to fleece the foolish. A herb is simply a plant that has no wood in it and as most plants don't really like being eaten, it should be no surprise to learn that many of them have evolved all sorts of defences to dissuade animals from doing so.

However, never let it be said that I don't have the highest double standards, so keep an eye out for Chalk Industries' latest product.


Our natural, organic rat poison with plant extracts will be hitting the shelves soon. (The 'plant extract' is the cardboard box it comes in).

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Ofsted

The BBC claims that Heads who have been sacked because their schools failed miserably are now being employed by Ofsted to inspect other schools.http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-18512428

I wonder whether the idea behind this is that they are familiar with bad practice and can recognise it from their own experiences. I'm surprised they haven't offered me a job.

Or you could argue that it doesn't really matter whether they were any good at running a school or not, as they might well have been great teachers in their time. When the inspection consists of ticking a load of boxes on a form that the teachers have seen and have had time to tailor their lessons to fit them in a way they never normally would, then a trained chimp could do the job equally well. (Especially that one I saw on the tv a few months ago doing sums)

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Alan Turing

Monday is the 100th anniversary of the birth of Alan Turing, one of Britain's greatest Geniuses. Prof Jack Copeland suggests that his death may have been an accident rather than suicide as is generally believed.

The Daily Mash has an equally insightful article pointing out that although Turing would not be persecuted today for his homosexuality, he would instead risk a beating simply for being unfashionably clever.

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Western States

Congratulations to Ellie Greenwood on a brilliant win at Western States yesterday. Well done to Ian Sharman, bad luck to Jez Bragg.

If the above means nothing to most readers, just put it down as the rantings of a deranged loon.

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Francis Gilbert

Here's Francis Gilbert losing it on BBC news in a debate with Toby Young:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bVzVRkyjEM&feature=youtu.be

Francis is a well known education commenter and unlike me, is very knowledgeable on the subject. He is very left wing (which is presumably why he sent his son to a private school). He is probably not my greatest fan, once describing my book as 'vituperative' when we were interviewed together.

I thanked him profusely, not having any idea what the word meant.

I shouldn't be nasty about him as he means well, but the video is quite funny.

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Pub Complaints

Am I the only one being driven mad every time I am served beer in a glass with no line on it to indicate a pint? I'm sure that they always used to have these things, but recently the glasses seem to have become smaller and the pint level is assumed to be right at the top, presumably in order to make an extra profit of around 10% (my estimate).

It really annoys me, because even if you are stroppy as I am and ask for it to be topped up, the beer is then almost like a bubble on top of the glass and you invariably spill some of it over your freshly laundered shirt on the way back from the bar (and look a bit silly). If you are buying two or three then you end up having to drink a bit out of each of them before daring to walk away, which makes you look like a wino.

Whilst we're on the subject of pub madness, why do I always have to have a new glass rather than just have my old one refilled, thus saving the energy required to wash it up? Is it some imagined 'Health and Safety' risk? Neither can you bring your own oversized glass with a pint mark on it, because it might not be something-or-other to do with breaking that I can't remember.

Finally has anyone been to a pub where you can keep your own pewter tankard behind the bar? I've never tried beer from one but apparently it improves the taste.

It's strange really, when pubs are closing down all over the place, that we have so many silly little things that just put people off and encourage them to stay at home, where at least you know how much is in your supermarket bottle of lager and can drink it from your own boot if you so choose.

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