BREAKING NEWS! Raoul and Gazza

Temporary Chief Constable Sue Sim's hairdresser is surrounded by armed police.

I just love the expression on that guy's face with the tazer. He needs to be put on every recruiting poster immediately.

Anyway, now that it's all over the police clearly have a few embarrassing questions to answer:

1) Why was Gazza not involved in this case right from the start? So much for armed police and trained negotiators- Gascoigne turns up and despite being five pints the worse for wear; brings the situation to a successful conclusion in no time at all.

2) Why did nobody lay down their weapon and challenge Moat to a one on one martial arts style fight? I saw this on a film once and it did the trick.

3)Why has no apology been given to local residents who have suffered days of radio and tv interference caused by Sue Sim's hair.

The only serious bit is the condition of PC David Rathband whom the media seem to have forgotten about. Let's hope for the best.

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Raoul Moat

Loondog Raoul Moat (even his first name sounds like the cry of a werewolf) has declared war on the police (well, those who are unable to defend themselves anyway- not the ones carrying submachine guns). I was scared witless when I turned on the news to see the lady with the funny hair from Northumberland Police. (See Inspector Gadget's blog for a picture and lots of comment about arming the police)

Which halfwit thought that letting him out was a good idea? (I'm talking about Raoul, not Sue Sim)

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Hot Dog Eating

Once again the clear link between a diet of junk food and poor behaviour has been demonstrated; this time by ex-hot dog eating champion Takeru Kobayashi who had to be thrown out of this year's competition at Coney Island, New York.

If you think nothing of polishing off 50 hot dogs, or maybe you fancy your chances in the blueberry pie (hands free) category; then the official website for Major League Eating can be found here.

ps due to an unfortunate misunderstanding with local sponsors, the international round of the hot dog eating event due to be held in Soeul, Korea has had to be cancelled at short notice.

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Oliver and Gillian Schonrock

The above couple live in Dulwich, South London and have committed the heinous crime of allowing their two children, aged eight and five; to cycle to school along the pavement. This is a distance of just one mile and the only road crossing is supervised by a lollipop lady (or lollipop person if you read the Guardian).

According to several reports in this weekend's papers, Alleyn's junior school (£12 000 per year if you would like your child to attend) believe that this is too dangerous and have apparently threatened to report the parents to social services unless they stop immediately. (What exactly would social services do? Take the children away maybe?)

It would make an interesting twist to the story if a pedestrian were to be knocked over by the two pedalling pupils. In any case, I suspect we will hear more about it.

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Panorama- Can I sack Teacher?

The inability to get rid of poor teachers has been a problem for decades. It's partly down to poor recruitment and poor training, combined with a lack of leadership within schools. The absence of any emphasis on discipline combined with an obsession with every new 'teaching method' no matter how bonkers, does not really help matters.

Mix in a culture of political correctness which allows no criticism, along with unions who enthusiastically support those who cannot do their job and you have the perfect recipe for a profession in crisis. That's what attracted me to it anyway...

Panorama discusses this at half eight tonight. Watch it if you like.

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Immigration

Today (on Newsnight) someone uttered a statement I've heard a thousand times:

"Immigrants do the low paid jobs that the British don't want to do themselves"

Why have I never heard the obvious reply?

"The only reason the Brits won't do these jobs is because they are paid benefits to allow them to sit at home watching daytime TV"

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Councils

If anyone has a Council that isn't completely bonkers, could they please let me know so I can go and live there?

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