Coursework Capers

Normally if a child hands in coursework that is worth a 'D' grade, then that pupil is told how to improve it, the work is returned to them and they bring back a new improved version in a couple of weeks time. (Note that this extra help is only for the 'D' grade children because they are the ones that matter.)

As the deadline to send off the marks to the exam board draws near however, panic sets in amongst the staff, as there will always be a few lazy pupils who haven't redone their work.

A novel approach was explained to me last week by a friend whose department simply reports all the 'D's to the exam board as 'C's and only bothers getting the kids to improve their work in the unlikely event that the exam board select one of the inflated pieces of coursework to be sent off for checking.

Everyone's a winner. The teachers don't have to chase as many kids, the department gets more Grade 'C's and the school's exam results go up. I don't know why the practice isn't more widespread.

Oh hang on, it is.

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Football and School

Footballer Luis Suarez bites an opponent in 2010, blames it on jet lag and is suspended for a few matches. No fine or sacking. In 2013, he does it again. This time he is fined a trivial amount and sent to 'Anger Management' classes.


At school, Jayden from Year 9 swears at a teacher and is sent to the Head of Year. He apologises, blames it on his teacher Mr Jones 'winding him up' and is given no more than a mild telling off. Three weeks later he does it again and is given another talking to. Have a wild guess at what he does next term?

We bring it upon ourselves.

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Teachers' Union Conferences

One of the main reasons I and many others went into teaching was for the long holidays. They are a great perk of the job and it always saddens me that many teachers don't make more use of them. It's not lack of money holding them back (how much does it cost to go for a long walk?) It's all too often lack of imagination.

One Easter Holiday activity to avoid at all costs however is the various Union Conferences, whose main purpose is to provide the tabloids with more headlines to turn public opinion even further against us. Every daft proposal and every foolish statement is Manna from Heaven for the journalists.

Here's a much better activity for those readers who live in the North. Build yourself an igloo following the instructions below

http://www.igloobuilding.org

The internet never ceases to amaze me. On learning of Amazon's purchase this morning of http://www.goodreads.com I repeated a phrase that I must have uttered hundreds of times over the last 15 years. Namely "Why didn't I think of that?"

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Behaviour

As a teacher it is important to regularly express your distaste for the Conservative Party and the 'Establishment' and absolutely vital that your colleagues know how much you hate the Daily Mail.

Such sentiment is not always unjustified. The Mail keeps its niche readership in a state of constant rage by playing to all their fears, whether it be of immigrants eating their babies or asylum seekers murdering them in their beds. It is not exactly renowned for supporting State School teachers, whom it regards (sometimes correctly) as a bunch of raving lefties.

The following article won't be news to anyone who works in a hell hole school, but it's worth a quick read if only for the comments. If you select 'best rated' then you will be surprised at how supportive of teachers they are. (Well they were at ten thirty this evening anyway). There's also some useful illustrations to remind you of what teachers, pupils and computers look like.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2298369/Parents-responsible-pupils-appalling-behaviour-class-say-teachers-blame-lack-boundaries-home.html

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School Bans Triangular Flapjacks

For years I have warned of the dangers of these lethal biscuits, but would anybody listen?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-21923218

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Financial Advisers

For some reason an oily man who described himself as a 'Financial Adviser' wanted me to "talk over some investment possibilities" with him last week. (Seriously, this is how these people speak).

"Do you have an enormous house, a selection of holiday homes in desirable parts of the World, a posh car and a yacht?" I asked.

His baffled silence saved me from asking the obvious followup:

"If you don't know how to make a success of your own finances, why on Earth would I want your advice on mine?"

Taking financial advice from someone who isn't ridiculously wealthy, strikes me as being about as smart as listening to my views on diplomacy.

(Oh and someone is going to pull me up on the punctuation in that first paragraph).

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Kids of Today

Here's a bizarre BBC News article where a man in his early 50s goes back to the rather nice school he once attended and wonders why it it's full of aspirational, well behaved, mature young people rather than mindless yobs, vandals and dropouts. (Which of course is exactly how it would have been when he went there).

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-21922893

Did the BBC never think to send him to St Thickchilds? Our inner city hell hole could have supplied him with plenty of miscreants to keep him happy. I'm sure that his face would be a picture of delight when some 'rebellious pupil' swore at him or spat on him as he walked under a classroom window. Just imagine how proud he would be on returning to his car to find that it had been scratched with a key by some young 'challenger of society's values'.

Most kids today are fairly sensible. Most kids always were.

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