North Korea Rocket

Poor Kim Jong-un, seen here reacting with alarm after being told that dinner will be late

And here he is in happier times, receiving a new pet or possibly admiring tomorrow's lunch.

Have a listen to the song below, composed by his father, the recently departed Dear Leader back in 1985.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBgMeunuviE

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Inspector Gadget and Sophie Khan

The latest celebrity pairing, police blogger Inspector Gadget and Sophie Khan, a solicitor-advocate, (whatever that is), are having a bit of a falling out in true Hollywood fashion.

On 7th April Sophie tweeted:

'Met Police aren't just racist while on duty, they're racist off duty too. They're members of BNP scum'

Gadget wasn't too pleased about this (I think he was offended by her terrible English) so he encouraged his readers to complain to her employers, GT Stewart, who wrote a disclaimer on their website and she deleted the tweet.

Personally, I think that their relationship might be on the rocks because she looks jolly cross with him in this photo.


Anyway, in round two Gadget's readers have started complaining en masse to the Solicitors Regulation Authority and in return she's now trying to 'out' him (presumably this means revealing his identity rather than getting him to admit that he cavorts with other men). Dan Collins, publisher of Gadget's Book is offering to spill the beans for £50 000 and in the spirit of David Cameron's "We're all in this together", I'm willing to undercut him at £47 500.

I do hope she decides to try and find out who I am, as I could really use the money. (To avoid paying any tax on it, I plan to donate the whole lot to my charity which helps middle class Brits buy ski chalets in the Alps)

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Summer Hols

Schools in Nottingham may be moving to a shorter Summer Break, four weeks instead of six. Obviously the teachers aren't happy.

It's completely taboo to say this, but I don't mind admitting that one of the reasons I went into teaching was for the long holidays. I always made the most of them and thoroughly enjoyed every minute, regardless of whether I had any money or not. They are a huge perk of the job.

Unfortunately the idea of a six week summer holiday is bonkers. Many teachers and pupils simply get bored during them and it creates huge childcare problems for parents. It's equally mad that University students have three months off in the summer.

However if you cut the holidays without any increase in salary, you make the job even more unattractive.

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Well I go away and look what happens?

The Government decides that teachers don't need a staffroom. Who in their right mind would take a job in a school that doesn't have a place where you can escape the madness and mayhem? Where you can enjoy a cup of tea in a dirty cup, whilst moaning about Kyle, Royce and Duane? I was supposed to be saying this on Radio 4s Today programme on Thursday morning but due to my own incompetence, I can't make it.

The Government also wants to introduce different rates of pay for teachers in different parts of the country. The NUT doesn't like this idea.

I'd go much further and allow all schools to pay their teachers whatever the hell they like and let the market set the rate, just as it does for plumbers, lawyers, hairdressers and accountants. Why not pay the better ones more than the rubbish? It's simply a case of giving the schools enough money. If we gave the worst schools a big wedge of cash to attract better staff, then we would see far more improvement than from all the endless new 'initiatives to raise achievement' and for a fraction of the cost.

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Funding Circle

Does anybody have any experience of Funding Circle?

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Assumptions

A poll of 3000 teachers run by the parenting club website bounty.com revealed that roughly half of teachers make assumptions about children based upon their first names. Their judgements are shown below and are pretty accurate. (Read my books for a description of the game Top Set- Bottom Set)

Naughty Boys                                Naughty Girls

1. Callum                                       Chelsea

2. Connor                                       Courtney

3. Jack                                           Chardonnay

4. Daniel                                         Aleisha

5. Brandon                                      Casey

6. Charlie                                        Crystal

7. Kyle                                            Jessica

8. Liam                                            Brooke

9. Jake                                             Demi

10. Brooklyn                                   Aisha

It's interesting to note that 8 out of 20 bad kids' names begin with a 'c'

Now we move on to children assumed by teachers to be clever

Boys                                                         Girls

1. Alexander                                             Elizabeth

2. Adam                                                   Charlotte

3. Christopher                                           Emma

4. Benjamin                                               Hannah

5. Edward                                                  Rebecca

6. Matthew                                                Abigail

7. Daniel                                                    Grace

8. James                                                     Alice

9. Harry                                                      Anna

10. William                                                 Sophie

Pretty accurate, I'd say.
Please do not write in to say that your daughter Aisha is very well behaved, as I do not want to know. Buy a book on statistics instead.

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Kristy Bamu

Could the murder of Kristy Bamu have been prevented?
Yes, quite easily if our leaders had the slightest interest in regulating who comes into our Country.

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