Crazy Teachers stop kids playing soldiers or something...

Apologies if you've already heard about the story in the news last week about the teachers at Nathaniel Newton Infant School in Nuneaton who, depending on how you interpret this article or this one, either:


don't like kids playing soldiers in the playground (ie they are crazy leftie loons) or:


don't like repeatedly being threatened with gang-like gestures when they are trying to teach a lesson (ie they are standing up for themselves against pain-in-the-neck kids, whose parents then seize an opportunity to change the story a bit and moan)

I can't work out what really happened and the comments at the end of the various newspaper articles seem to fuel both options...

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Balancing Act

Sorry for not posting, I was away last week. Here's a question for any aviation experts amongst you.

On boarding the plane (Ryanair!) I noticed that three rows of seats near the front of the plane were being guarded by a stewardess who would not let anyone sit in them. Being the inquisitive sort I enquired why this was so and she replied triumphantly:

"Captains orders! It's for balancing the plane."

Once again on the return flight, three rows were blocked off at the front of the plane, but this time the occupation of three rows at the back was not allowed either and I overheard same reason being given to several irate passengers.

Now whilst I admit that I do not have any qualification in aeronautical engineering, nor have I ever flown anything bigger than a paraglider. I do however possess a small amount of common sense, a basic knowledge of the principle of levers and loads of healthy scepticism.

I imagine that the mass of the plane should be roughly equally distributed around its centre of gravity so that it remains level in flight, but I don't believe for a moment that you can 'balance' an airliner by having three empty rows of seats when the luggage is still being loaded in the hold and you do not know the mass of the individual passengers. A small plane, say an eight seater would be that sensitive, but not a Boeing 737. (I'm even more certain that you can't balance anything by moving people from both the front and the back!)

I suspect that the real reason is either to reduce the amount of cleaning required (mind you, with a 25 minute turnaround do they really do any?) or more likely to speed up the trolley sales by having fewer rows of customers to deal with. (The damn thing seems to go up and down all through the flight). A third possibility might be to make it more difficult for families to sit together, thus persuading them to pay extra for 'priority boarding' next time.

If anyone knows the answer then please let me know...

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Unauthorised Absences up!

The papers don't understand the difference between truancy (kids bunking off to drink cider in the park or rob your house) and Unauthorised Absences, which are the kids who are away from school without the Head's permission (ie the above crowd plus those who are out shopping with their parents, sunning themselves on holiday in Spain or attending the religious festivals of a country that their family has come here to get away from).

Despite what this article claims, all we really know is that Unauthorised Absences have risen to an average of 64 000 a day for the Autumn 2010 term. This is simply because Heads have stopped authorising as many term time holiday requests. That's all there is to it, I'm afraid.

I don't like it when I can't justify a Daily Mail style rant, so instead let's have a laugh at Louise Bamfield, spokeswoman from Barnardo's. She wants to know 'the reasons why the persistent absentees are so averse to being in the classroom'. Well I can help her out: it's because they can have a lot more fun running around causing mayhem than they can sitting quietly, learning things and answering questions.


When there is no real punishment for bunking off, it's amazing more kids don't do it.

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Miss Wade

I am about to ask Science teacher Miss Wade from Education: My Part in its Downfall whether she once suffered a similar accident to this poor chap

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Education: My Part in its Downfall

Please use the comments section on this post to let me know of any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes in the new book, so that I can fix them. One of the major advantages with e-books is that they can be updated within 24 hours, rather than having to do a whole new print run as you would with a paper book.

Oh and anyone who thinks that I am simply asking you all to be unpaid editors and proof readers, is of course correct.

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Parents in Pyjamas

Eleven schools across Middlesbrough have written to parents asking them not to turn up to school in their pyjamas looking like lazy scuzzers. OK that's not exactly what the letters said but the idea was there.

I love stories like this as they bring out the best in all of us. I couldn't care less if they are just dropping the kids off by car which every parent seems to do if their child lives more than 100 metres from the school (although you are going to look pretty silly if you have to change a puncture). It sends a clear message saying "I am bone idle", but that is probably not a message which requires them to wear pyjamas in order to broadcast.

It's a different matter if they are coming into school dressed like this however and it must provide great amusement to the staff. If I were the Head, I would take pictures and hang them all up on a board marked Wretches. (Which I suppose probably explains why I am not in charge of a school).

Then I remembered that we were talking about Middlesbrough. 

ps Before anybody is tempted to remind us all that Winston Churchill used to conduct important wartime meetings in his dressing gown, then let me say that these people are not Winston Churchill.

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Private versus State Sport

Hard to believe, but the Girl's Schools Association claim that two thirds of Independent Girls' schools in Britain have pupils who regularly compete in sport at International level.

Three years ago at the Beijing Olympics, 37% of our medal winners had been to Private Schools even though only 7% of the population attend them.

Mind you when you see what passes for PE and Games at many comprehensives, it all becomes clear. The 'pursuit of excellence' doesn't really get a look in.

Now for something that's a bit easier to believe. Serial End of World predictor Rev Harold Camping has announced that he made a slight arithmetical mistake last week (easy to do when you are dealing with Horsemen of the Apocalypse) and has announced a new date of October 21st 2011.

Don't say I didn't warn you...

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